Bubble Butt
by music-is-luv
Summary: ONESHOT! "Harry, are you aware that you have a nice, round bubble butt?"


Okay, I just wrote this, like, out of nowhere. Literally, I was listening to music and eating pizza and then I just had a brain fart that said, "Bubble buuuuuuuutt." And for some reason I instantly thought of this. I was like, WTF? And so was De'Andre. It was hilarious.

And I'm looking for a DracoxHarry story. Like, Voldemort is defeated and all the mudblood's rights are being taken away because the wizarding world no longer trusts them so Harry is forced to marry Draco so he can keep his magic. If you know it, please review or PM me with the URL.

Anyway, enjoy and PLEASE REVIEW IF YOU LIKE IT!!

**Disclaimer: I would take the time to write something clever here, but then I would have to think so I'll just go with**_ 'I own nothing but my pants. And I only own half of them.'_

Warnings: Groping, fondling, boys kissing, and implied smexing??

Oh, and if I get characters wrong, sorry. I'm not TOO much of a Harry-turd, but this idea just seemed fun.

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Harry Potter was not having a good day.

Now, the day had started out pleasant enough. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, howlers were literally scaring the piss out of little students. Yes, a very nice day indeed.

"Ahhh," one Harry sighed happily as he sat up in his bed. He had gotten several hours of pleasant dreaming and woke up to a beautiful morning. This was going to be a good day, he thought.

Oh how wrong he was.

Harry walked into the Gryffindor common room and walked up to Hermione and Ron, who were sitting down on the couches arguing about… Gaara?

"Ronald Weasly, I am TELLING you that Gaara DIES!"

"Gaara can't die! He's….He's…Well, he's GAARA, REALLY!"

"Ugh," Hermione smacked her forehead, "Look. Gaara dies. Then an old woman, I think one of the council members, sacrifices her life bringing him back to life!"

Why were these two discussing almost-major-but-not-quite Naruto characters? I have no idea. Does it have any particular importance to this story? Absolutely not.

"Hey, guys. I would ask what you were talking about, but I don't think I care…" He gave them an amused look. Ron rolled his eyes.

"Glad to see you up, princess," He snorted as he got an image of Harry in a pink dress, calling out for Link. And then the brain ninjas attacked that train of thought and destroyed it. Harry, having noticed Ron zoning out when he started drooling, turned to the more intelligent of the trio.

"So, 'Mione. What're we going to do with our day off?" he asked. It was a reasonable question, given the circumstances. Lord Moldy Shorts, for once in Harry's young life, wasn't bothering him so they could relax. It wasn't like the bald jerk was going to pop up and say 'Hi! Yeah, I just like to be gay and pop out sometimes!' Yes, things for Harry were sweet.

"Nothing in particular," Hermione mumbled and put her finger to her chin in thought. Ron finally snapped out of his thoughts and thought of something.

"We could fill up water guns with whipped cream and have a war all over the stairway," he suggested. Hermione shook her head.

"We'd fall off and bust our chops," she said. Ron and Harry just shared a 'WTF' moment. But, really. This little moment had nothing to do with the real plot. This was just some pointless ramble the author used to make this little one-shot seem longer. So the trio decided to go to breakfast. On the way down the lovely little stairs that just WON'T FUGGIN STAY STILL DAMMIT!! Ahem, yes, on the way to breakfast they encountered Draco.

Draco was having just the loveliest day.

It started out just as pleasant as Harry's. He woke up, the sun was shining, the birds were singing, and other Slytherins were groveling at his feet. Life was good for the Malfoy. Draco went to the Slytherin common room to find his friend Blaise and his two lackeys (and Pansy) having an interesting conversation about fossil fuel alternatives.

"Look, all we have to do is make cars with negative magnets and roads with positive, or vice versa, and the cars would just propel themselves forward," Goyle was saying. Blaise rose an eyebrow, completely uninterested, but answered nonetheless.

"Then how would you steer?" He answered smirking. Pansy just sat in a chair and filed her nails. They were both being stupid, in her opinion. What kind of wizard needs a car anyway? Crabbe picked up where Goyle left off.

"There would be a device all around the car that would be able to maneuver the magnet around," he smiled smugly.

"….That is almost completely retarded," Blaise deadpanned, nearly smacking the boy. "Breakfast hasn't started yet," he noted, "I think there is still enough time to go get your helmets." The two lackeys just sort of gave him a tilt-headed 'duuerr??' look and drooled. Blaise shook his head.

"Crabbe, Goyle," they snapped to attention at Draco's voice as he walked in, "Even if your idea could work, it would cost entirely too much denero. You need to stop smoking so much weed, bro." Everyone just sort of looked at Draco at his last few words. "What?" Draco said, getting irritated.

"Dude, you just totally had an OOC moment there, my nigg," Blaise snickered.

"Yeah, so did you," Draco sniffed. Blaise nodded gravely.

"Touché."

"Alrighty, boys!" Pansy said, stopping her nail filing and standing up, "Off to breakfast." And so they went. Also making their way using the stairs that WON'T FUGGIN STAY STILL GOTDAMMIT!! Ahem, and then they encountered the Golden Trio.

"Well, hello Potter," Draco smirked. Harry glared at him.

"What? No insult?" Harry asked, snorting.

"Oh, there are insults. I'm simply choosing not to say them," Draco then proceeded to laugh mockingly. "Ha ha ha ha!" Potter look at him confizzled for a moment.

"Ehm… why?"

"Simple. I am a mental terrorist and I know it'll tear you up inside not knowing why I find looking at you mildly hysterical. Come groupies," Draco waved his hand and began walking off. Blaise just glared at him. Draco sighed. "And best friend." Blaise nodded and followed.

Man, Harry thought, today just keeps getting weirder and weirder. Why is everyone so OOC? But, once again, this moment has nothing to do with the real plot and is just another pointless filler to make this seem longer. But now the author has deemed this story long enough for her liking and will proceed to the plot. So the trio glared at the Snakes before following them. They were hungry, after all, and they all ate in the same room. So the Snakes and Lions sat down in their respective places and ate. Now, every so often, Draco would sneak a peek at The Boy Who Lived.

Draco had his eye on him for quite some time now and he was under the sneaking suspicion that the Hero just might know it. It mattered not to the Slytherin. He would have him either way. So, it was because of his slightly stalker-ish tendency that he heard an almost life-altering statement from Ginny Weasel. And because he was looking, then his lackeys, groupie, and Blaise were looking, which meant all of Slytherin was looking, which meant all the nosey Ravenclaws were looking, which meant all the easily influenced Hufflepuffs were looking, and, well, everyone in Gryfindor was always looking at the Trio and Co.. And so, everyone heard when Ginny said this life-altering statement, successfully altering lives.

"Harry, are you aware that you have a surprisingly nice, round bubble butt?" And the whole of Hogwarts was silent.

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAT??" And Harry anime-fell out of his chair.

"I said," Ginny cleared her throat and spoke a bit louder than she had the first time, " Are you aware that you have a nice, round bubble butt. Quite pleasant to look at. All nice and perky and what-not."

"G-Ginny!!" Harry blushed and stuttered.

And then Harry heard it. It started out as small noise. Almost a cough sounding noise. Then it grew to a sound similar to choking. And then Hermione was full out laughing.

"Oh, G-God Harry!" She gulped for air, face red, and gripped her sides, "It's t-true!!" Hermione was soon followed by Ron, the twins, Gryffindor, Ravenclaws, Hufflepuffs, teachers(excluding Snape) and finally the Slytherins. Hogwarts was laughing at Harry Potter.

Or, to be specific, his nice bum.

Harry continued to sputter and blush. Hogwarts continued to laugh hysterically. Tears were streaming down faces, eyes were puffing, food was falling from mouths, it was truly a sight. Harry narrowed his eyes and slammed down his silverware before stomping out of the room, leaving the eating area silent. Then one person suppressed a snicker.

"Wow!" Dean grinned, "You were right!!" And Hogwarts laughed once more.

Harry, on the other hand, was not amused. He was not amused at all. He angrily stomped his way to the Quidditch pit. Unbeknownst to him, a very amused Draco had followed him. Why was Draco amused? Because, while Hogwarts was laughing at Harry's boutylicious buttocks, Draco was plotting how to get it.

Oh, yes. Draco was going to tap that ass.

So Draco followed our dear Harry boy to the Qudditch area. Harry had gotten his broom and was just about to leave the locker room when Malfoy blocked the entrance.

"Awww, is Potter shy?" The blonde smirked and walked in.

"Shut up, Malfoy," Harry growled and backed up. And since I used the words 'backed up' we all know where this is going, right?

Yep. Right into a wall.

"Ah, fuck," Harry muttered.

"Funny, that's exactly what I was thinking," Draco pinned Harry to wall, grinning like the cat who just got the cream.

"M-Malfoy?! W-what in the name of M-Merlin do you m-mean?!" Harry blushed and shifted his eyes, shrinking further back into the wall, unsuccessfully putting space between him and the other.

"I mean, I want your, what was it again? 'Nice, round bubble butt'?" Draco smirked when Harry went even more red and meeped.

"M-Malfoy are you on CRACK!?" Harry squealed. Draco chuckled.

"Of course not. I have too much money to ever do crack. Crack is WAC," and then the blonde groped him.

"GYAHHHHH!!" Harry jumped into the air. "MALFOY, GET YOUR HAND OFF OR I WILL FILE YOU FOR SEXUAL ASSAULT!!" Harry did his best to look and sound menacing. He came off like a 2 week old growling puppy. Draco thought it rather cute.

"Hmmm," Draco ignored him, "Not only nice and round but plump and firm, too." He said to himself, continuing to fondle Harry's backside, ignoring the boys steadily reddening face.

"Malfoyyyyyyy!!"

"Oh, shut up Potter," and Draco kissed him.

"Mmph?!" Came Harry's muffled shout, as he tried to push the Snake off. Now, that shout could easily have meant, 'WHAT THE HELL??' or 'OH GOD IT FEELS GOOD!!' Draco wasn't entirely sure. He bit Harry's lower lip, causing the much cliché-ed gasp, and delved his tongue into the slightly shorter boy's mouth. "MM! MMMFF!!...Mmmm…oomm…." Draco's smooth tongue had Harry moaning in a matter of seconds. Draco, having successfully gotten Harry to submit, broke away, leaving the brunette bruised lipped, panting, and flushed. Just the way he liked it. "You," Harry panted, "bastard."

"You know you like it."

"…." Harry didn't respond, instead he pulled Draco in for another steamy kiss.

They weren't seen until the next day, when a hickey-covered Harry refused to look anyone in the eye and Draco's arm never left the brunette's waist. And all that day Draco held up a sign, grinning like the maniac he truly was.

**'MY BUBBLE BUTT!! And, just so you know, it's firm, too.'**

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END!!

REVIEWWW!!

By the way, I really hate those stairs....


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